Just Ask

Have you ever gone out of your way to do something for someone else because it's what you 'thought' would be best for them, only to find out that it really isn't what they wanted at all?
 

Such was the case for me at the beginning of this school year for my six year old son, who is embarking upon his First-Grade experience after having had a … well … pretty awful Kindergarten experience, all things considered. The last two weeks of Kindergarten, he was placed on the special van because he had misbehaved one too many times on the school bus. He knew he had done things that were against proper bus conduct, and really didn't seem to care too much, though he also didn't seem too enthused about the van transportation either. Nevertheless, we managed to make it to the last day of school…a day that couldn't have arrived soon enough for me, as it was very difficult sending the little guy off each day to a place he was vehemently opposed to attending.


Summer vacation came and went with its own shares of ups and downs in the behavior department, and we did our very best to help him view First Grade as an entirely new, fun and exciting adventure. We helped him to frame it as an opportunity to start off with a clean slate, make new friends, and share all of the knowledge he gained over the summer…it was going to be GREAT! 


BUT…then I got a call from the school transportation department. It seemed that they were going to be keeping him on the special van again this year. Immediately, I saw all our efforts in getting him psyched for this new year begin to unravel like the spool of yarn he taped in the shape of a spider web throughout the dining room just weeks before. I was crushed…for him…at the thought of being made to feel like a 'bad kid' at the start of this great new year. 


Crushed, maybe, immobilized, far from it! After several attempts at contacting the appropriate personnel, I managed to convince the "powers that be" that it was not in my son's best interest to be placed on the van this year. After all, I asserted, this is a new year. Of course, my family was in complete agreement with me (or at least, if they weren't, they didn't let on to the contrary) and fully supported my diligence at changing his transportation arrangements. It was going to take a few days for the changes to be put into effect, so I would have to drop him off and pick him up from school each day. No problem, I thought, we'll just tell him that I'm taking him until he gets established in his classroom.


Well, the day came when he was going to be able to ride the bus, and with it a royal fit the likes of which I hadn't seen since last school year. "The bus is TOO LOUD," he shouted, "and if I have to ride it then I am going to have a HORRIBLE day!!!" He just cried and cried and at first, I thought that giving in would only reinforce his fit-pitching behavior. Quickly, though, I considered that perhaps the bus really IS loud and maybe that is part of the reason he had such difficulty on it last year. Just because I didn't like the way he was telling me that being on the bus bothered him didn't necessarily mean I should ignore the message he was sending in its entirety. 


Then it hit me…maybe I should JUST ASK him if he would prefer to ride the van instead of the bus. "Oh, yes," he replied, "I actually LIKED riding the van – and it's quiet too."


Who knew? Certainly not me – for I didn't bother to ASK HIM what he would prefer. 


Fortunately, the "powers that be" at school had a sense of humor when I went in to plead my transportation-changing case again…and within a few short days, my son will be riding the nice, quiet van to school.

Unconditionally,

I Am Angel Pricer